For weeks, I keep getting the message 111 or 1111. The 111s were persistent. Grocery bills would ring in at $111, a bag of chia seeds tucked securely into the cupboard over the stove popped out and spilled on the stove at 11:11 and so on. For two weeks.
When I looked the number up in my Angel Numbers book by Doreen Virtue, what stuck me was that the meaning is all about thoughts manifesting into reality.
Without discussing everything in my life, it has been a challenging time. I have had so much uncertainty pull dark clouds over the future of my family, only to realize that maybe my thoughts are responsible for at least some of those clouds. I’ve let the darkest, most awful possible outcomes keep me up at night instead of praying and focusing on the possibility of a favourable outcome.
I think the repeated message was to just stop it. There are so many things I have felt like I never got to do and felt doomed that I never would. In reality, I just had to look to my garden. I believe it is full of fae. Why? I can’t grow a plant on my own, I’ve tried. Awhile back I promised to nurture a lavender plant and I followed through with it. My garden is, for the first time ever, blooming. I thought a couple of plants would die, only to have them come back full of life. The healthiest most vibrant is that lavender plant.
My life, despite the circumstances, has been in full bloom. My children are doing well, I feel joy and laughter coming back to me when I had felt it had dried out not too long ago. Our house is full of different lives and I love it.
I felt a strong pull to start looking at horse prices and horse rescues. I figured it would take time but decided that I wasn’t putting my dream that started when I was as young as 5 years old on the back burner any more. Little did I know that putting my thoughts into action accelerated the process quite a bit!
I had a few things working in my favour: I live on 7 acres of land that we do not spray with pesticides, good pasture and an empty barn. We bought Dragon Dell almost 10 years ago and the only reason I agreed was the barn! We have had horses here that belong to someone else, using the field for grazing. That was an incredible gift because we had horses without any of the responsibilities or expenses for about 2 months. When I knew they were leaving soon, I felt like I couldn’t look at an empty pasture anymore. My children love horses and have rode often, they were very sad as well.
Then, there was my dream. Roxy was everything on my wish list and looked like the horse I always longed for. She even had a little star on her forehead, which is so special to me and I have heard from many people that horses with that star are gifted.
Roxy was to go to auction in Beaverlodge. I contacted her owner with the desperate hope that I could buy her before the auction. I did not want to miss the opportunity to be with Roxy! At this point, I had not yet even met Roxy. It was a Wednesday when I first saw the post and I had looked into getting 2 geldings originally. Their sale went through with a woman who was interested before me. When that happened, the 111s kicked up a notch. I couldn’t sleep on Wednesday night, having been unable to ensure Roxy would be sold to me.
Then something shifted. Her owner had at first told me to just bid on her at the auction. Many times. I persisted as politely as I could and really wanted to spare Roxy the stress of the auction. The rescue I was working with was going to send someone to bid on her for me. The owner changed her mind! I had until Friday (the next day) to go visit Roxy and pay for her. Roxy was a little over 3 hours away from me. I could not leave that day, but I arranged to see Roxy on the Friday – just before she would be sent to the auction!
I had a tiny problem. I had no way to bring Roxy home without a horse trailer. I made a post on Facebook, asked for help if I was meant to get this horse from the messengers leaving me clues and just decided to hope.
A family I did not know messaged me, willing to haul Roxy! They were the nicest people, so good with horses, warm and kind with 2 really lovely little boys. They had nothing to do that day and gave up the time the could have spent doing something else to bring Roxy home. Now, if that isn’t the intervention of my angels, I’m not really sure what else would be!
Fast forward to Friday morning, I had the money from the RRSPs I cashed in ready, a full tank of gas and my heart yearning to meet Roxy. My air conditioner wasn’t working well, so my windows were down and everything felt light, so much so that I felt I might drift out of my car and over the highways to Roxy.
It was a long drive and I was so nervous once I got past the city limits of Grande Prairie because Google maps had taken me to some interesting places in the middle of nowhere before. Still, I kept driving and I finally pulled up to the ranch where Miss Roxy was being boarded.
There were puppies and other horses and I was instantly so giddy. I waited while the owner of the stable had Roxy haltered and brought to me.
As she stepped close to the barn, the sun shone off her bay coat. I was torn between jumping for joy and crying and felt unsure my body could contain everything I was feeling so as not to spook the horse.
I said right then, looking into her eyes, that I would take her. The stable owner laughed and told me to ride her first. I loved it, I loved her and I took out my phone to transfer almost every cent I had to bring her home. The family that helped me where excellent with her and I will never forget their kindness.
I am in shock that I really have a horse here. I don’t want to say that I am in shock that I own a horse, because I don’t think you can ever own another spirit. I believe I am her caretaker, but in so many ways, she is mine too. Just like our dogs, cats, ferret and guinea pigs are. Of all of them, her spirit seems the least likely to ever be contained and “owned”. I think that just as people find each other for a reason, so do animals find us. If we agree to enter into the relationship, we are then committed to taking care of their physical needs, their mental wellbeing and I think they return the care by nurturing our souls.
I spent my Monday wearing a respirator as a preventative measure against Hantavirus and cleaned my abandoned barn like crazy. I filled 16 construction sized garbage bags full of all kinds of trash, old hay, Reese Peanut Butter Cups wrappers I found along with Red Bull cans and a needle. Clearly, someone had crashed in the barn at some point. I’m glad that if they needed the shelter, they had it, but I cleared all that junk and energy out for Roxy.
Today, I made a little space for tack and hung a chalkboard sign by Roxy’s newly cleaned stall with her name.
Everything in that barn was cleaned by, chosen by and arranged by me. It is a token of my love for her. I want to honour our bond and give her a beautiful life because she has given me so much joy. I hung a dream catcher in the barn because now that I have my dream, I never want to lose her. Funny enough, her registered name is Roxanne Dream, making her truly my Dream.
My decision to buy Roxy may have looked spontaneous at best to some while I know others have judged me harshly. I smile and repeat to myself that other people’s opinion of me is none of my business. One critic is not yet 30, making my dream to own a horse older than they are. That’s ok, I’m not offended. I believe that the signs were all pointing towards Roxy and that everything that happened from the Wednesday to the Friday I went to get her would not have been possible without help, earthly and otherwise. Make of that what you will, but for me, the moral of the story is that we do manifest our own reality, we have the power to make our dreams come true. In my case, she lives with her shinning star in my barn and has agreed to be a big part of our lives.
Thank you Roxy for picking me, thank you Lisa and family for bringing her home and thank you to my husband for not divorcing me!